Owner Tariq Mahmood said he would like to clarify, for the Reverend's benefit, that 'shisha' and 'sharia' are in fact two different words.

By Our Home Affairs Correspondent · 21 August 2026 · Politics

The Alderton Parish Council approved a late-night licence for The Velvet Pipe, a proposed shisha lounge in the former village bakery on the High Street, by four votes to three on Tuesday, after two hours of discussion.

As the result was announced, the Reverend Timothy Sterling stood up, slammed a parish magazine onto the table, and declared that local governance had officially collapsed.

“To approve a late-night sharia lounge within a mile of the church shows a total lack of cultural sensitivity,” Reverend Sterling said, before leaving the meeting. “This is meant to be a Christian village. I’ve nothing against these people personally, but if this goes ahead, one end of the high street is no longer operating under British law. What’s next, a lantern-lit Iftar supper on the green and belly dancing in the bingo hall?”

Tariq Mahmood, who owns The Velvet Pipe, said he had been surprised to learn his cafe had triggered a constitutional crisis. His father ran the bakery that previously occupied the same building, from 1985 until his retirement, and Mahmood himself attended the primary school two streets away. “Look, I just want to sell herbal shisha, mint tea and baklava to people who want a quiet sit-down after 8pm,” he said. “If the Reverend wants to pop in for a chamomile tea and have a go on the mango shisha to calm his nerves, then he would be very welcome.” He added that he had tried to point out afterwards that “shisha” and “sharia” were different words, but that Sterling had “already got back in his car” by that point.

Margaret Fenn, parish councillor, said she had “more than once seen the vicar having a crafty fag behind the vestry before a sermon,” and felt he might actually enjoy The Velvet Pipe if he gave it a chance. She also reminded attendees that the licence had been granted within full legal guidelines, and that Alderton remained, for now, subject to the laws of England and Wales.